"Heeheehee... Don't be shy. I can tell what you're thinking..." - Stupid Ruto, Princess of the Zoras
Okay, the Jabu-Jabu stomach dungeon. God it really sucks. I can't understand it at all. Everything is pulsing, everything is electrocuting me, and to top it all off I really couldn't get orientated at all whilst doing this dungeon. Why on Earth does everything have to pulse? To cap it all it is very vague about what you need to do in here. I mean I spent a good bit of time just trying to understand the layout, even though it wasn't a big dungeon! This place was just hard.
That doesn't look normal at all...
Then there is the tentacle mini-boss things. Not the hardest, but because of the camera, I died fighting these a few times. Then the boss of the place! I died yet again a number of times, and I still don't know how I won. This place... Just the most confusing and annoying dungeon and place I have had to play so far!
I died many times on this guy. And I still don't know how I won in the end anyway! Something to do with the boomerang, but thats all I worked out.
But then it's over, with a wierd cutscene, which seems to be the norm so far when you finish a dungeon. It's all wierd.
I don't really know what she is talking about. Of course I am cool. Or she would be dead.
So then, after this crap, we can finally go back to see the little girl and her attendant who just tried to send AAAAAAAA to his death. Oh no. That bloody gate is closed again. No no no no no!
Oh god no! It's not night this time!
Hey, I know them two now! Why didn't they think of saving me?
Oh wait, I've already seen this. So now were doubling the amount of boring story points that I want to skip.
Ah now so that cutscene at the start now makes even less sense. So that was Zelda's attendant kidnapping her. Jeez she really is not lucky. Then the bad guy shows up, just like in the dream. However, suprisingly, AAAAAAAA actually attempted to attack Gannondorf after all! Failed though, obviously. I don't have the amulet of Game Ending, or the spell of Eternal Plot Devices. Please! This game is continuing to drag on and on!
Surprise! Something vaguely interesting happened!
Then the evil bad guy actually does attack AAAAAAAA! This was unexpected! Then he rides off, into the distance with no killing. Shame.
If Zelda was telepathic all the time why didn't she use it for something useful?
So after that cut-scene, and a new Ocarina which is not preceeded by a nown, but superseeded instead by "of Time". Then we go to the Temple of Time, and some wierd story stuff happens here.
Magic Floating Rocks! More pointless dragging...
And more...
MORE?!?
This part, no lie, is way too long. Nothing has happened since the last dungeon. Also why does Gannondorf actually call himself the King of Evil? So he actually knows that he is on the wrong evil side that always looses? What is his actual plan anyway? Kill everyone? Hmm...
So Gannondorf, who seconds ago was chasing Zelda, is now suddently in the Temple of Time? He says that he thought correctly that AAAAAAAA had the keys to the door of time. Isn't that completely different? Wouldn't it have made more sense to give up chasing Zelda, and just go back to the castle? Or made an obvious attempt to hide in the temple so it didn't seem like a shit plot device? Or taken the keys off him when Gannondorf attacked AAAAAAAA? My brain hurts again. Gannondorf, you fool. Look what you went and done. Created a Hero of Time!
Silly. Wasn't that what you were trying not to do? Or something? I don't actually know, your motives are not very obvious.
Raru the sage then explains tonnes of crap that I just skip when I can. I don't know or care whats going on. I could find reams of pages of backstory to the Zelda games on the Internet that would explain it better and faster then this guy!
Original. A story about the future where everything is ruined.
Anyway, Welcome to the Future! Where everything is all evil and destroyed! At least it is until you leave Castle Town, or whats left of it. And to be honest it looks like the bad guy hasn't really done that much evil at all. Outside Castle Town that is. I mean inside he turned everyone into Zombies.
Very bleak. Those zombies are actually scary!
So where does AAAAAAAA have to go first? To the evil temples or whatever? No you stupid fool, he has to go to one of my most hated towns so far: Kakariko Town! And what do I have to do here? I have absolutely no idea. No idea whatsoever. There are no hints again. I mean, even a small hint would have helped, but no. Navi just keeps popping up and saying nothing particular useful whatsoever. No suprise there.
Where are they? The chickens? The ones I spent a VERY LONG TIME finding? I don't care if this is a few years later, WHERE ARE THEY?!?
What the hell am I meant to do here? What the hell am I meant to do here? Déjà vu! I'm stuck in this poxy village once again with no idea whatsoever what I have to do for the next part.
Keep your eyes out for the next enthralling part of this series! Being stuck in this village brings back memories... Very bad memories...
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