The Ultimate "Ocarina of Time" playthrough - Chapter 7

Sorry about the wait, I've been playing a lot of LittleBigPlanet at the moment. Stephen Fry narrates like some kind of Omnipresent God, you know, just a little bit down the line from what he really is. Part 7!

"AAAAAAAA...can you hear me?" - Stupid Zelda

To recap the last chapter:

• Got the hookshot for what it is worth,
• Got the "Fairy" Bow, but really it's just a Bow,
• Apparently got Sarias power, but actually recieve nothing for finishing the dungeon, gotta love how useful that power is going to be!

So the path now takes me to Death Mountain... Again. I mean it was just super fun the first time. At least I didn't die climbing it this time, rather than last time. Hold on what the hell is that at the top? And how come I've never seen him before? He is rather large. And useless. He isn't telling me anything useful.

You would be rubbish at hide and seek.

Anyway, so I once again enter the Death Mountain crater. I was still timed for how long I could survive here. But can I actually do anything with my 30 seconds of health here? Nope.

Bombs everywhere again, and jumping off cliffs just to see if I can reach the bottom, because something is down there. But very quickly I give up, and realise that once again I must have gone the wrong way. So thats the second time I have been told to go to Death Mountain, and both times Death Mountain was not the correct place. Oh come on.

So I guess that I had to go to the Dodongo's Cavern. Nope. Also, it seems that they didn't bother eating the rocks here after all... It even seems that it hasn't changed in the last few years, not even slightly. So why did they have me open it for them? Seems a bit like an... Excuse to add a dungeon perhaps?

Okay, so I guess I gotta go ask the Gorons why they are not in the cavern eating their delicious rocks. Because this game just likes sending you out on more pointless tasks, while doing a pointless task for some random irrelevant NPC. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but still really annoying.

In the Goron Village or whatever, was completely empty. Except for one little git who tasted some of my bomb. He then informs me, and I say that loosely, that his name is AAAAAAAA.

Needless to say I laughed quite a bit at this. I mean come on! He actually says that AAAAAAAA is a cool name! Which it is, and I would defend it to the death. But still... only the semi-word ROLFCOPTER could explain my state when that little Goron came out with his speech. Anyway, back to angry boy. If only I knew that the Goron would be named after me, I would have called AAAAAAAA something better. Like fucksnot or something. I just can't do it. I just can't complain about this guy at all. I want to take him home and feed him to my dog.

Right, have to move on. Little fucksnot then tells me something, whatever it is. Then I get Fire AAAAAAAA. Or just that the clothes are heat resistant. Okay, yeah, but they are the exact same shape, blah blah. I really don't like the fact that it seems that the fire clothes are resistant to fire, or that the water clothes allow AAAAAAAA to hold his breath for as long as possible. Both are incredibly inplausable. Perhaps Mythbusters should check that out. Or why doesn't everyone wear them? Actually, Why is AAAAAAAA the only person who can use all of his equipment? Surely someone else could do the exact same job if they had the same stuff. Why doesn't Impa same the world instead? I imagine she is stronger than him anyway. AAAAAAAA just has a sword and kills stuff. Not too sure why he needed to be the Hero of Time just to hookshot to a branch.

Er, off track again. Anyway I can finally walk around in the Death Mountain volcano. (Why don't the fumes, ash or anything in it kill him? Why is one of the dangers an enemy that just jumped out of the lava? Why didn't it melt? How come a sword can kill it but not freakin lava???) Then I meet that wierd guy who teaches me some teleport songs again. Very manly.

What if I don't want to see you again?

Now lets get this straight - I fucking hate this dungeon. It has some really bastarding parts that just get on my nerves. I had so many game overs and segments where I was completely lost here it isn't even funny. This place was not fun for me whatsoever. Well, maybe exept this part (because Nothing can happen here for at least 5 seconds).

Nice and safe here.

This dungeon is just cheap. Save the Gorons, which is against my religion anyway, then they give you some bullshit hints about the Dungeon, then they just run off. Why don't they actually help me against the evil dragon that will kill them if awoken? This dungeon just didn't agree with me, and I hated it.

• I fell into a pit, and got a game over because of it. I couldn't escape.
• A stupid fire bat kept hitting me, and I couldn't get away. Game over again.
• I ran out of bombs a few times. Not game over, but... more torture. (I didn't know where to buy bombs, I thought I had to buy them as child AAAAAAAA. Also I didn't have the song to teleport me to the Temple of Time at that time either.)
• Fucking spiders!
• That big room! GRRRRRAAAAAHHHH!!! Invisible Fire walls!
• That goddam miniboss, that thing that kept jumping in the fire. Only gave me one game over at least.
  
• And what piece of the puzzle do we get here? The megaton hammer! So it hit's things with the force of a tonne? Well thats just not true. I can't break bars or pretty much anything with it. Just those rusty switches. Which oddly enough only started appearing in this dungeon. Also oddly enough rust doesn't just happen like that. Rust is the oxidation of ferrous metals, and logically rust like that would be created by water. Which isn't too likely gonna be found in a volcano. Would have made more sense if it was partially melted due to the extreme tempreatures.

Then there's another small part that deserves a special round of applause. That would be the part in the room where the fire chases you on the chainlink floor... I think. Anyway, after circling around the other parts of the dungeon it was obvious that was the path to take. But every time I approached the ledge from the front AAAAAAAA just wouldn't grab onto it. So I thought, a logical man that I am, that I needed to find some other way to get up there.

After a lot more bullshitting around, like trying to climb over to it using the fence that was meant to block off the dungeon map, I really didn't know what to do. My first thought was that maybe I had to get some new boots, so that I could jump higher (Thanks Alundra). After a LOT more time, I tried this part again. I have to confess, I needed help with this one.

A friend informed me that {text deleted}. Not so obvious, was it.

For those that know the answer, lets face it. It didn't look possible. Not if you count all the jumps like that which always miss. And for those who don't know how to do it, here's a screenshot I prepared a good bit later.

This part.

YOU HAVE TO JUMP FROM THE SIDE. Bad Nintendo, Shigeru Miyamoto. Bad.

Then the boss was a walk in the park. Only died a couple of times at least. But when that dragon hits you it really hits hard. Didn't like the fight, thought that it's pattern became to obvious waaay too quick.

So then some more story, at this point I don't even care. A Goron is the sage of fire, I am very suprised.I really didn't see that coming at all.

So where to now Navi?

Zora's River? As in water temple?