"Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?" - Stupid Fairy called NaviWhat a great opening screen. It's classy, fancy, and I didn't know the moon was a 2D sprite... Okay. I won't dig that low, it was fine at the time. I suppose it looks... acceptable. I promise that I will not complain about the limitations of technology avaliable at the time, unless it is well deserved.
I just want to get to the bloody game, so I guess I press start. It makes a happy noise, then it tells me to press start. Why? Is one time pressing a button just not enough? So I checked to see if it was a glitch or something, but no. I have to press a button for it to tell me to... Press a button. I also found that pressing A or B work the same as start.
I know this is still digging but I don't like this game. Even that annoyed me, because that happy noise is irritating. It's like they are saying "Horray! You know how to press buttons! Here is your own personal fanfare!". Grrr...
Anyway, after this we get to the file select screen. I pick an empty file, and I get to name the character. What a terrible thing to put in their game. The ability to name your character. For god sake this should have been abolished straight after it was used the first time. I mean I can understand that certain games would require the ability to name the characer, but in most games it is redundant. All it does is make me call my character something different than everyone else. Like if I call Link AAAAAAAA. Yes, I actually think that name suits him perfectly. But is anyone else gonna call him that? Actually I think I would be suprised by the answer to that question.
Yeah that name suits him perfectly!
But despite that, his name is Link! If I talk to anyone, I don't think I would say "Oh yeah you know that part where AAAAAAAA got the sword...". Puh-lease. Why the hell can I give him a name? Or why does it not default to Link?? Or for that matter, why did this stupid fad of being able to name characters last for so long??? MMORPG's, that makes sense, BUT NOT A LINEAR RPG!!! AAAAAAAA! (See? I wasn't screaming, I was refering to my character!)
The game hasn't even started and I'm angry. So, I start with AAAAAAAA on his journey to become a real boy, or whatever. Ah. It starts off and I get a wierd starting sequence. So here is where the plot seems to start. Could it hurry up? Wait, is that a girl kidnapped by the evil hoardes? Or what? That part didn't seem to make sense. Now, whats this? HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT AAAAAAAA!!! BAD GUY ON A HORSE!!!
Did this one just magically appear?
Hold on...
I was just told that "this" boy didn't have his fairy, but in this sequence he clearly does. Oh man! What does this mean? Foreshadowing?
Anyway, we are then brought to a fairy talking to a tree. Why not. This frigging tree keeps talking like he's a Shakespeare character, just like every other character in any game that will definitely not have a sense of humour. Also it seems that the "boy without a fairy" has to save the world. I mean, from what we have glimpsed from the story so far, he's been singled out... As the boy without a fairy. Probably bullied about it too. I just don't think that a boy they refer to as the "boy without a fairy" sounds like a candidate for saving the world, don't you think? Actually a "boy with a fairy" sounds a lot worse.
Then after their conversation about the fate of the world, just like all conversations, the fairy flies off to find AAAAAAAA. Would have been cooler if this fairy didn't fly under everyones legs and watch some elf thing humping a rock.
Seriously.
So then some ass called Mido or something is the first obstacle in my great journey. He also proves that AAAAAAAA was bullied by the other Elves or whatever the hell they are. He says get a sword and shield! Or I can't do the thing that their god told me to do! I'll show him...
So I wander around the town or whatever it is. Kill me. All they want is to be a tutorial. "...Green rupees are worth 1...", "...At the shop with the red roof...", "I'll teach you how to talk to people using your fairy...". Come on. What do the kids say? "When I grow up I wanna be a tutorial??" I guess they do.
So I wander around the town, I guess stealing rupees that these stupid things drop everywhere, and find a shop that sells a shield! Now to find a sword! This frigging shop doesn't sell swords though. No no, that would be too easy. Amazing how tedious just this tutorial part is. I'm also trying to keep my distance from people because all they want is to tell me how everything works. I know that this game has a lot in it, but I just want to get through this game as fast as I can. And these people are really not helpful. If it was more spaced out, then yeah. It would work fine for me. But cramming lots of tutorial segments just into the first area just drags this area into the irritating zone for me.
Right. I've had enough for now. Tune in next time, when I find a sword to go with this shield!
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