28 December, 2009

The Ultimate "Ocarina of Time" playthrough - Chapter 2

 So Christmas is over, and now we must start the Feast of the Years Eve. More like an excuse to get very very drunk again. But I must persevere, and carry on playing what is now my bane. Enjoy part 2!

"Verily, thou hast felt it..." - Stupid Deku Tree Again
So on I go to try and find a sword. Why is it a quest to find a bloody sword? I try talking to everyone, but no-one seems to want to help. I find the "know it all brothers", so of course they don't help at all. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A SWORD??? Some girl said I can find stuff in the forest, so away exploring I go!

I then get to the maze like Kikori Forest. Okay, I'm really getting annoyed now. What the hell is going on? I keep teleporting to the start, there's wierd things attacking me, some wierd black mage thing is dancing with a flute, there is some place blocked with rocks... Come on. At least those guys throwing nuts at me are getting what they deserve!

Just a small complaint about the shield though. It is quite obvously made out of wood, but it makes a metalic sound when used. Wierd.

Anyway those guys that were trying to kill me are now trying to sell me stuff. Erm, Nah. Then I fell into a hole. Seriously, I hope to hell there is a sword in here. 


Come on, I want a bloody sword... Where the hell am I?

I read the sign. "Forest Stage"? I just want to carry on with the game! "...Beauty Contest..."? This game is very quickly sapping my will to live.

All I want is to find a sword. Why is this so hard? I have explored many nooks and crannys, talked to loads of people, and fallen into alternative universes apparently. All these tutorials and not one helps to find what I need to find. So, after this debacle, I decided to... look around a bit more. Although the only thing that happened was that I was once again repeatedly sent back to the start. I know it's a maze and all but it really does get annoying.

So, after exploring every place possible in that bloody forest I decide to go back and check the town again. And there the little effer is. Beside the house of "the know it all brothers". Very helpful lads but not very good with clues on what to do next.

Going a bit off topic here, but that is why I liked Alundra. Alundra is a very Zelda like game for the Playstation, released 1998 in Europe. I find that it was more intuative than any Zelda game I have played. Definetely recommend a play if you like Zelda games, and the same even if you don't. It's very similar to Link to the Past, but... I just find that it is more interesting with the puzzles, plot and characters. It also has a more adult theme than the Zelda games. But the reason I started writing about it is because it had a very easy way of finding out what you had to do next. Just pop to the wise old woman in the middle of the town and for 10 GP she would tell you exactly where to go next and what to do. Any exploring in that game was purely for extra items or life vessels. That and the game's music was awesome!

Anyway after dodging an eternal rolling rock... I'm not even gonna question it... You find a treasure chest with... the magical Kikori Sword!!! About time too! I'm sure the Great Deku Tree has died in the time it took me to find this damn thing. Honestly. Any kind of hint that the sword was there would have been appreciated. But no, the game wants me to feel all tingly inside. But all I feel is anger. And constipation.

Anyway, so I talk to Milo or something, remind him to stop that wierdo outside his house humping his rocks, and I can finally pass through the crevice.

While travelling to the Tree then, I get attacked by... Broken purple piranha plants apparently. I would have thought that those Kikori people would have kept that path clear of faulty Mario spinoff monsters. I get some wierd sticks for killing them, after all, I am limited to 10 of them, as well as tonnes of other things which have wierd limits, but where does AAAAAAAA keep them? I dunno. Maybe it's a finite bag that incredibly shrinks things. I think that would make sense because those rupees are about half the size of AAAAAAAA as they are.

And then I finally meet the tree. It has a mustache. Because all trees have mustaches, can talk and are gods. I swear this game must only make sense to people that are high. Or cosplayers. Anyway it tells me that it is cursed! At least it has the kindness of telling it "No, I don't care". Just not in so many words. Because I really don't care. I hope that the curse turns it inside out, then makes it eat its own brains, then causes the game to delete itself. However, the game won't progress if I don't magically cure him, so... Here We Go!

Inside the crapfactory:

I didn't think that the inside of a tree would look anything like this. Also I am slightly worried that a giant tree just ate AAAAAAAA. So anyway this dungeon is basic enough, kill the spiders, kill the purple piranha plants, blah blah blah... Now this is the part I don't like most about Zelda titles. I really hate dungeons. For me, they are monotonus, dull, repetative, slow... Just don't like them. They may be full of puzzles that make you feel good inside once you work out the clever solution, but I just find them too slow. And it never makes me feel good inside once they are finished.

Anyway I think I'll just play the dungeon and complain about it later. Byee!

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