"Dead End" - Very Stupid and Obvious Signpost is Stupid and Obvious
How does this dungeon fit inside the tree?
Just some quick complaints about the first dungeon...
- It's obvious I can climb vine walls. Why did Navi have to tell me? I mean I've already done that to get to that forest maze thing!
- Actually Navi just gets more annoying as it goes on. I think I can guess what happens when I stand in front of a door and the Action Icon button turns to "Open". I'm not that thick.
- Why does everything have to have a noun in front of it? Kikori Sword? Deku Seed? Fairy Slingshot?
- Why, after killing quite a number of them, does the game tell me to kill the Skullulas hit their underbelly? To get to the point where I was, I had to do this a few times!
Er, what?
Colonel, this is Snake. I have infiltrated the enemy base inside the talking tree.
SNAKKKKE!!! We meet again for the first time!
So the tree congratulates me, then offers to tell me some more backstory. I stupidly accept his request, and find myself in a very long and boring cutscene explaining how the world came to be. Also that creepy guy I saw at the start was on fire in it. Kinda wierd. Then the stupid tree tells me it was gonna die anyway. This is the pointless questing I REALLY hate in these games. The tree says "Save Me'ith", my guys says "Yes" in the option screen, I save the tree, then it says "Only'th joking'th. I'm verily dead soon. You accomplished nothing." Well, at least I couldn't care less if he died anyway, that made me hate him even more! Oh and I have to go meet the hot princess of destiny. Sure, give me another pointless task. I hate you tree.
Mind you, If I were the tree, I don't think I would trust AAAAAAAA. He's a bit slow, only recently... "got his fairy", and went around stealing rupees and swords from people I presume. Yeah, lets ask that guy to save the world. So, we meet Marlo or something who spreads rumours that you murdered the tree, but no-one seems to care that much. I know I don't, but now I can go to Hyrule!
You didn't think you could get away that easy, did you?
Wait, nope. Gotta have some story first. Does this part ever end? Some girl looks all sad and then gives you an ocarina. Oh wait. Sorry, thats a "fairy" ocarina. Silly me. Then AAAAAAAA finally realises that I've had enough, slowly walks away, then turns and runs. Finally, some logic in this game!
Wait, what? START THE ADVENTURE!?! I hate you.
Ah crap. It's an owl that wants to explain everything. Logic already broken. Also it looks high, but thats irrelevant. It tells me what I was looking for, which is now a flashing dot on the map instead of a psychopathic fortune teller. At least it's something. Run forward and find the princess, the owl tells me. So what? Is that owl the narrator's pet or something? Then that I shall do, thanks you crazy owl! Lay off the sauce!
The world map is useless. It's telling me to go to some Ranch as well as Castle Town. Nah, I wanna get through this game as fast as I can. Castle town, here we come!
No. NO... NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I can see Castle Town! Just a few more... The gate is closing... You are kidding, right? Then night hits and I'm attacked my zombies. Yeah. This really has been "The Best Game Ever™" to me so far. Then I have to spend all night fighting hoards and hoards of zombies off, until daylight hits. I won't say much but I didn't enjoy that part. In fact I loathed it. It was a waste of my time. Also was it just me or did the zombies sound like Boos from Mario?
I don't want to even talk about the Castle Town. Needless to say I achieved 100% of the favour of the Townspeople and won the local annual "Who looks most like Link" competition.
Because I don't know what a dead end is. Why on Earth is this here???
On the road to the castle, that bloody owl is back, talking about time standing still or some shit. You can't make this stuff up! What this owl says is priceless. "Time stands still in towns, but here it flows normally." You said it dude. You keep taking your drugs. Someday you will make it to the great Rainbow Road in the sky. Is this owl the 4th wall or something?
See what they say if you have the patience to pay attention to the cut-scenes? Rude cow.
Anyway, after all I have gone through, I finally get to a part that I actually enjoyed, sneaking through the castle and killing all the inhabitants. I wish anyway, sounds like someone beat me to it. Anyway, after doing the enjoyable part, I get to another boring section, saying I have to go to Death Mountain. Sounds safe.
Now I'm in some village, and I honestly have no idea what to do. In any other playthrough, which was quite a long time ago, this is where I quit. This is where I'm about to quit right now if I don't find out what the hell is going on! I'm trying to save the world, and in order to save the world do I have to collect some lazy womans chickens??? This doesn't make sense! Does the solution even include chickens? Does it have something to do with the graveyard? Or the construction bosses lazy son? But how the hell do I get up Death Mountain?!?
Okay, I think we can part ways here. Before I split the screen open with my controller.
EDIT: Just as a final note, the part in Kakariko was really getting on my nerves, I'm not joking here. It's really stressing me out, but as I said I don't want to use a strategy guide. It's not a joke, I have no clue what to do now. I guess find the chickens, but as I mentioned that is retarded. Anyway find out what actually took place in the newest installment of The Ultimate "Ocarina of Time" playthrough!!!
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